I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
