Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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