When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
