he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
