i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
