You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
