AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
