Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize