he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
