She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
