Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
