is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
