I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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