A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
