rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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