Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
