when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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