Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
did i walk over a car last night?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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