end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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