i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
