i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
