for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
