so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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