Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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