I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
