I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
it's great music for shaving your balls
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
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