I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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