you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
as a side note pls kill me
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
