I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
