The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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