Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
