i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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