I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
