there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
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