There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
