I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
