Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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