the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
