I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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