I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It was a blind-side dick pic.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
