Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
