i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
