Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
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