My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
