You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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