I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
