You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
