I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
