Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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