Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
