Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
