Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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