you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
