Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I wish you could order shots online.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
