Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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