She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
