omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
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