I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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