Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
