sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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