IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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