Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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