Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
