I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
