my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize