apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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